"New Politics, people! New Britain! A New Kind of Government!
(Also a new change to the constitutional arrangements that have been in place since 1792 to ensure that a Tory minority government can soldier on without having to call an election, but we'll mention that one very quickly and hope no one notices)
"... anyway, as we were saying, New Politics is here, a New Way Of Capitalising Random Words (and a new stone cold silence on the Big Society idea, that everyone has hopefully forgotten about).
"Nick Clegg and the Liberal Democrats have joined with us. They have agreed to compromise - and drew a hard bargain! They have managed to secure TWENTY proper jobs (and definitely not sidekick roles, non-jobs and joke positions) in exchange for merely jettisonning every single principle and belief they supposedly held! My, how Geroge, William and I had to think hard about that one!
"Together, Nick, George, William, Blotto, Felix, Barnaby, Cornelius and I will work hand-in-hand with all of you plebs and we will secure a brighter future! We'll appoint an anti-abortionist with a track record of voting against gay rights to be responsible for equalities! We'll appoint two hardline neo-conservatives to be Foreign Secretary and Defence Minister! We'll appoint a man who is slightly to the right of Ghengis Khan to be Work and Pensions supremo!
"Together, we'll march forwards! (You won't as you'll be phoning the outsourced job centre trying to find yourself a new job, but that's life). Together we'll make smarmy, slightly forced jokes in front of a adoring press! Together we'll forge a New Politics that definately isn't just a desperate marriage of convenience. Not at all!"
[Cue another rendition of Rule Britannia, a couple of Chris Rea tracks to satisfy the Lib Dems and a final blast of Rule Britannia]
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